Horrible, no good, very bad day!

So I'm having a pretty rubbish day - and that's putting it mildly. In fact I might be tempted to use some choice words if I didn't know my mum looked at this blog. So I need some cheering up. Your task is to cheer me up. Jokes, funny stories and antidotes all welcome. No putting my life into perspective though. I fully know it could be a lot worse and many people are worse off than myself. I still feel rubbish and I still need cheering up.